The evil professor

Today I had classes with a professor that hates me. Don’t worry, it’s reciprocal. Actually, our history goes back to many years before when we hated each other just for the sake of it. Then he stopped being my professor, he left the faculty (not that far, though) and I kinda forgot him. True, any time someone mentioned his name, my face, always Jim Carrey-alike, couldn’t help to do a disgusted expression (I’m guessing he did the same). But then, with the years of absence, I started to forget our antipathy and even at some point I considered that our feud was mainly due to a conflict of interests and maybe to some immaturity on my part. That’s why when they told us yesterday that he would be our professor starting today, in substitution of our beloved usual professor, I didn’t bothered. But today, after arriving in class and receiving the first attack only 8 minutes later, I discovered, not only that his hatred for me was as intact as ever, but also that I had my post for the day: the evil professor.

To be noticed: I don’t say “bad”; I say “evil”. The evil professor (we’ll call him Snape from now on) is not necessarily a bad professor. The thing is he has decided to use the black magic in class and not precisely as a way of teaching things. There are some, of course, that are both bad and evil, but not Snape; he’s not bad.

The evil professor looks just like the others and the girls in class, who know nothing of the wickedness who lives in the world, like him. But the bright and clever student, with a future ahead of him (we’ll change his gender and call him “Hermione” out of modesty) smells the real essence of Snape right from the start. Anyway, he doesn’t lose a minute to confirm this very first impression. And being the professor, he’s got it easy. If Hermione raises the hand, he doesn’t pick her, and if she doesn’t raise it, he says she doesn’t participate in class. If he asks if they think Osama is really dead and she says that she does, he tells her she’s naïve; if she says she doesn’t, he says she’s incredulous. If some other professor says that Hermione is really good in French, Snape makes and expression of repugnance and starts to make allusions to students in the past who were far better than she is (I’m guessing Voldemort). If the rest of the students applaud Hermione after a presentation in class, he tells them, to (please) do not applaud, that they’re practically running out of time.

The evil professor uses the numerous entries in his passport to make feel to his students that he’s brighter than they are and that he’s a citizen of the world. Hermione’s passport is empty, so she can’t say anything and when a conversation about the world arises he always wins it with something like “When I went to France last year…” Hermione, who has never left Vedado, can’t argue, despite the knowledge that the one who travels the more is not necessarily the brightest but the one who knows best how to fly broomsticks.

The reasons for the hatred of Snape are unknown. Maybe it’s love, after all. Or maybe it comes from the fact that Hermione, belonging to a much younger generation, has opportunities that he never had back in his youth (like stepping out of the closet, for example). But that’s just me guessing. The truth is that the real causes are unknown. But what it is a fact is that there’s war.

Even though Snape hates all of his students, he has no problem agreeing with any of them if that means proving Hermione wrong. Everybody knows about the reciprocal hatred, so they advice Hermione to do or say nothing and to do not be angry, remembering her that in case that something happens she is to lose. But someone has to tell Snape he’s a son of a bitch. But well, not Hermione. She can’t get into that. She’s a good, clever, charismatic girl and she has a blog to write.

Snape never looks into the eyes of Hermione. He knows she has a very bad temper and that she looks right into the eyes of people. But Snape is not a fan of direct attack, he prefers irony and sarcasm. But now always: in that occasion that Hermione was selected to represent the school instead of the student he had selected, he got hysterical, took out his wand and yelled everybody (even to Dumbledore). When he finally realised he couldn’t do anything, he looked poor Hermione from head to toes and made an expression of despise. That way, on a Tuesday afternoon, a professor looked with pure hatred and despise to one of his students in the middle of a hall and in front of everybody. Unforgiving.

Of course, he’s not that bad all the time. Sometimes he has problems at home and doesn’t say any irony because he’s passing through a bad time. And Hermione pities him. But the next day he comes back and says something wicked, and everything begins again. Some other time, Snape needed Hermione to translate something for him from English (he only knows French), which Hermione did in very good terms, so he thanked her with genuine good spirit, leading Hermione to think that the war, after all, wasn’t that bad. Silly. One week later, ha gave her a C- in a report of 700 words for the misuse of a single preposition.

But Hermione is intelligent and knows that a lot of her growing as a magician is due to Snape. Hatred being an important impulse, she has become perfect only to bother him. Of course, he says she’s far from perfect and that she never will be, but she knows it’s not exactly like that. She knows he hates her more every day and if he does it’s because he knows she has an awesome future in the world of magic. In addition, Hermione, with the time also turned into a professor, tries not to do the same with her students. Of course, her bad temper sometimes arises and says something wicked, but never reaching the point of looking from head to toes to any of them and making an expression of despise a Tuesday afternoon in a hall in front of everybody. That’s unforgiving.

Snape will always hate Hermione, but it’s OK. Maybe that’s what keeps him alive, after all. What would it be of him without that hatred he had probably kept from immemorial times to any Hermione-alike? So let’s not pity him: his corrosive odium makes him happy. Let’s not worry about his health: being wicked guarantees him to live for many years. Let’s not try to change him: he’d die out of sadness. Let’s accept him like he is and admit that his function in the world is to help Hermiones all over the world to become perfect. Merci, Monsieur.